Viral Happiness

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It’s funny what gets to you sometimes.

I had just moved my family into a smaller home. My son’s girlfriend was visiting, and we were going to sit and watch TV. I had sold our sofa and could not afford to replace it. I had a couple of matching old armless easy chairs pushed together so it would seem kind of like  a sofa. There was one more (very uncomfortable) chair in the room. When we gathered in the den and she innocently asked, “Where do we all sit?” - I felt an empty pit in my stomach.

We didn’t have enough places to sit because I was a failure.

That was a few years ago, but it still hurts to remember.

—————–

I’ve been putting off publishing this post.

I’ve written and rewritten it for three weeks, wondering exactly what to share with you.

Recalling this part of my story is difficult. But it’s an important part of my personal development, and, if you ever have to deal with some of these same issues,  this information may help.

So, even though I’m somewhat  hesitant to spill my guts, here goes…

Approximately six years ago, I had what I now lovingly call my mid-life crisis.

And, as I consider it now, I find that this ‘crisis’ boils down to two issues… actually these issues are opposite sides of the same coin: abundance and lack.

And it’s not just about money. This is much more involved than money…even though money plays a part.

But it is definitely about more than just my economic condition because I’ve learned that our perspective of either abundance or lack  colors everything in our experience. Every challenge is an exercise in what we seem to lack.

My mid-life challenge was no different.

This type of challenge can be sneaky, because, even as the crisis was occurring, I was fervently studying self development. So, if you are pursuing your own self development, and if you continue to be confronted by difficult challenges, trust me,  you are not alone.

I had to downsize a retail business that had grown steadily for years. I had assumed that it would continue to grow and expand, but it began to slow and contract. This was not only devastating to my bottom line; it was also devastating to my sense of self-worth.

At the risk of sounding sexist, men are often judged by how well they provide for their families, and my provision began to falter.

As I was being forced to downsize my business, I also sold our family  home of 15 years and moved to a smaller house. The economic pressure was substantial, and I was navigating foreign waters.

I had to borrow money. I had to confront difficult situations. I had to continue going through the motions.

During that time, it seemed that my days consisted of shifting from crisis to crisis, and, for a while, there was very little relief. There never seemed to be enough…enough money, enough opportunity, enough time.

I felt stuck.

And that’s where the true sense of lack occurs. When you feel as though you face a dearth of choices - when you decide that you simply have no choice, that’s when you find yourself drowning in a deep perspective of lack. It’s acutely painful.

Have you ever felt trapped like that?

Have you ever felt like there is no good choice available to you?

Have you ever felt defeated?

If you have, you’ve come to the right place, because that is exactly how I felt.

I simply did not know what to do next. And that. for me, was the crux of the crisis.

But one day, everything changed.

It changed because I finally remembered a simple technique that I had used in the past when I faced other challenges. It’s the same technique I used when my doctor suggested that I might be suffering from depression (I relate that story fully in Mastering Your Power of Release).

It’s the ONLY tool I know of that works every time, and I’m not  sure why I allowed myself to get to a very low point before I used it in this situation. Maybe I had not thought about using it during my crisis because it just seems so darned simple. And when I share it with you now, you may be tempted to say, “Wait a minute…that’s it?”

But I promise, if you will master this technique, you will be on your way to conquering any challenge quickly and easily.

I simply changed my thinking.

That’s the most concise way of putting it. I  changed my thoughts. I refused to entertain any thoughts of defeat. I began thinking winning thoughts. I recaptured success in my mind.

And it worked.

I believe that’s enough to share at this time. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but admitting my shortcomings in such a public forum has not been easy for me. I’m a private person, and I share this part of my story now in hopes that something I say may be of help to you.

In my next blog entry, which will be posted much quicker than this one was, I will tell you exactly how I did it, and exactly how that change in my thinking eventually led to my thinking sabbatical and to my 28 day transformation experiment and how this  all ties in to my recent election victory and my business turnaround.

That’s a lot to relate, and it may take a couple of posts to get it all in. But this is good stuff. And, if you need some success suggestions in your own life, this may help you.

And, hey, it’s free information. All you have to do is come by and read it and see if it somehow relates to your own experience.

If it does relate, great! If it doesn’t relate, all it’s cost you is a little time.

I’ll offer my next entry very soon.

I have a personal story from my past that I want to share with you about my mid-life crisis, but I need to teach this important lesson first.

Are you happy? Are you successful? Are you moving toward the kind of life you want to live?

Where you are right now is ultimately the result of your choices.

We are often tempted to claim that life treats us poorly…throws us curves…complicates or hurts us in some way. But that’s not real; it’s fantasy. It’s the script we have in our heads. It’s the way we cope with failure and challenges.

But it’s not real.

Life seldom does anything to anyone. Instead, life presents us with choices - constant choices. And how we choose determines the quality of our experience.

If we are faced with a great challenge such as illness or calamity, how we choose to feel about it and what we choose to do about it dramatically determines our quality of life.

Choosing is everything.

We are constantly faced with choices that are so subtle and automatic, they don’t seem like choices at all. When this occurs, we call our choice a ‘reaction.’ But we never simply ‘react.’ We always get to choose.

Say that over and over until you accept it as truth: “We always get to choose…we always get to choose…we always get to choose.”

There are, of course, choices that we recognize and understand. I choose waffles for breakfast. I choose to turn left at an intersection. I choose to read a book instead of watch TV.

But there are less obvious choices that have a constant impact on life. I choose to get angry. I choose to feel hurt by someone. I choose to succumb to frustration.

These less obvious, subtle choices determine our quality of life, our level of success, and the depth and breadth of our relationships.

Consider this example: your spouse or close associate treats you poorly and your immediate inclination is to be angry, bitter, and hurt.

But do you have to feel like that? Is that your only choice? Is that the quality choice of the real you?

You may claim that their actions caused you reaction. But there is always a moment, even if it is fast and fleeting, when you make the decision to be reactive or proactive. When you are reactive, you defend your poor choice by saying, “Well, he made me so angry!”  When you are proactive, you know in your heart that you choose a calm, loving response because it is the best thing for the genuine you.

You have to decide that your life is worth the effort to live by concepts and not situations. You must determine the kind of person you want to be and be that person.

Who is the genuine you? You must make your choices with that ‘genuine you’ in mind.

Do you want to be more loving? Then make decisions that are congruent with love, and you will be.

Do you want to positively persevere through every challenge? Then make decisions that are congruent with your personal principle of never quitting, of always pushing through no matter what, and you will persevere in every situation.

Do you want to be healthy and fit? Then choose principles of proper rest, nutrition, and activity, and make choices that jive with those principles.

Simply put, you determine who you want to be, and then you live like that person.

Do you want to be loving?
Then choose to be loving.

Do you want to be peaceful?
Then choose to be peaceful.

Do you want to be happy?
Then choose to be happy.

Make your decisions based on your personal life principles of love, peace, and happiness.

Don’t misunderstand. Making the right choice is not always easy. It is simple, but it’s not easy. If it was easy, we would all make the right choices all of the time. And I confess that I have not always made the right choices.

I have been between the  mountain and the abyss, and I have chosen the abyss. I’m not proud to admit this, but I have chosen anger and hurt and depression. I have felt the allure of negativity, and I have succumbed. If I could not identify with that type of pain, I would not be able to honestly tell you how to find the better way.

But that is a part of my midlife crisis story that I referenced at the beginning of this post. And I will tell you that story in my next post. My life has not been perfect, and you need to know  that.

This lesson about choosing will make even more sense when you read the next post.

Until then, make choices that are congruent with who you really are.

I have a natural inclination to downplay my own success. It’s a trait leftover from my childhood, when I was taught not to brag. So, I tend to soften my successes.

But that won’t do you any good.

You need to know about my success. You need to know how I achieve it. You need to find the success clues and apply them in your own situation.

The time for downplaying success is over, because, if I am not successful, you need to move on and read someone else. If I haven’t figured out some basic principles for my own life, you don’t need my influence and teaching. If I am not willing to  stand up and say, “I’m more than just a nice guy; I’ve figured out some things that can help you live better,” then I’m not really worth your time. That’s simply the way it is.

You and I are not here to brag, that’s true. But we are here to learn, improve, and accomplish. Because, we can learn plenty of theory, but if the learning doesn’t lead to accomplishment, what good is that knowledge?

Consider these questions:

Why are you reading this blog?

Why do you read other blogs, articles and books?

What do you want to do with this information?

Even though we pursue information, we are not really after information as an end. We are after a better life. We are longing for more love, more money, more freedom, more fulfillment. We are longing for that elusive something that makes us say, “Ahhhh, here it is at last! Now, I have arrived!”

We are looking for  SUCCESS.

We long to live a successful life.

And that’s what I intend to discuss in my next few blog posts.

As we discuss success, please keep these three truths in mind:
1. SUCCESS leaves clues.
2. SUCCESS can be recreated.
3. SUCCESS occurs one success at a time.

If you think you’ve heard this all before…if you think you know what I’m going to share…you may be right. But you need to ask yourself one very important question: “Am I on a path to success?”

If you’re not, then pay attention. You either need knowledge, application, or action. And, over my next few blog posts, I intend to discuss all three.

But be forewarned -  the key is action!

And I’m not talking about taking action by buying something from me. I haven’t refined this information into a product yet. I’m not trying to sell you anything.

If you read these posts, you’ll be getting the real, raw, off-the-cuff deal. I’m teaching on the fly, strictly by the seat of my pants.

But the key for you is the willingness to take fearless action.

You’ve got to be willing to get up and do something. If you’re not willing, stop right now. Don’t read any further. You are wasting your time.

That may sound a little harsh coming from me. If you’ve read much of my teaching, you know that I am very open and loving. Love is the reason I do what I do.

But it’s time for a little tough love. If I really love you (which I do), I can’t be satisfied if you are living beneath your potential. It’s like the message of my favorite Mary Chapin Carpenter song,

“Why Walk When You Can Fly?”

Click on that link and listen to the words. Resolve that you are ready to fly. Refuse to  settle for less.

And be on the lookout for my next post.

Peace of  mind.

That’s it. That’s what everything else is about. The desire for love, the pursuit of abundance, the search for meaning. It’s all about peace of mind.

You have a gnawing feeling in your gut that there is more to life than you are experiencing. You think you need…well you’re not really sure…but you think it may be more money or love or some intangible something that you can’t quite realize.

But you know it’s out there, somewhere.

In truth, it’s not out there at all. It’s inside and more than inside.

It’s not just in you, it is you.

Take a moment right now to relax. Sit back, release the tension in your shoulders and concentrate on your breathing. Take deep, rythmic breaths. Inhale and exhale on purpose, not just as an afterthought.

Disengage your mind chatter. Release thoughts of the past and future, even the immediate past and future. Don’t consider what just happened or what may happen in  the next moment. There is no next moment. All we have is this moment. Focus on living in the now.

As chattering thoughts intrude, let them float through your thinking like clouds drifting across a deep blue sky. Don’t fret over them, just allow them to be.

Allow everything to be. Don’t engage in mind battles, mentally fighting people or situations and engaging in worry after worry, always wishing that this would change or that would change. Just allow it all to be, like a stream flowing past your feet. Just let it all drift by, without being swept up.

Know that in this present moment you are fine. If you are sick, know that the sickness is not in the real you. The you that is the real you is strong and eternal. If you are concerned about money or relationships, know that you can exchange this emotion of worry for peace of mind in this present moment.

Which is stronger: worry or peace? Which is proactive? Which is pleasant?

Refuse to think that you will acquire peace once all of the pieces fall into place. That’s not the way it works. Instead, it works like this:

Acquire peace, and then all of the pieces fall into place.

It begins with choosing the belief that this universe is a friendly place. Believe that God is not out to get you or play some kind of cosmic trick on you. Believe that God wants you to live an abundant life and to trust…simply trust.

Expect to prosper. Expect to excel. Expect to manifest.

You need action and a willingness to do, but that’s not as important as what takes place in your thinking. It all begins in your thoughts.

It all begins in choosing peace of mind in every present moment.

Be blessed!

Buz

P.S. These observations are part of what came out of my 28 Day Transformation Experiment. I promise to share more when my local election is over. The election is on May 5th (approximately one week away). There are a total of four people in my race, and I need over 50% of the vote to win without a runoff. So I’m asking anyone who might offer thoughts and prayers on my behalf to concentrate on me getting 50% plus. Fifty percent plus one vote will win it outright, but I would love a mandate, so fifty percent plus 100 votes (in this small community) would be huge. My local political pundits believe I will win, but they also think there will probably be a runoff. I would love for us to surprise them all!

It started as part of an experiment.

Now, it has grown into a daily practice.

And this practice is changing everything.

You may remember that I designed a ‘thinking sabbatical’ back in December to coincide with my 28 Day Transformation Experiment. It was all about transformation and manifestation, and the ‘thinking sabbatical’ aspect came about through a simple inner urge. The universe sang and I got up to dance.

I think I’m on to something big because everything has changed. My life has gone from ‘very good’ to ‘great,’ and I am enjoying more of the things we so often ‘work’ to get: more peace, more abundance, more passion, more zest, more joy, more happiness, more patience, more manifestation.

And it all started because I was willing to take carve out a specific time to simply be quiet and think. Now, my thinking sabbatical is an everyday habit. It is a joy to me.

I’m continuing to polish the process, and I will share it with you in the near future. First I have to get through my election in May (please see previous posts), and then I intend for my online life to get back to normal.

But, until I have the opportunity to share my process with you properly, why not start cultivating the habit now? Just take a few minutes to relax and breathe; quieten your mind and think. Just see what comes up.

Do you have specific questions?

If so, post them below or feel free to send an email to buz@viralhappiness.com.

You may know that I’m running for a position on the local governing board of my town. That’s why my blog posts have been scarce lately. Campaigning is time consuming work.

Part of my political approach involves knocking on every door in town, and, even though I live in a small town, that’s still a lot of people for one man to visit.

The experience has been amazing.

I’ve always had a heart for the well-being of others,  but this experience has increased those feelings.

In the past, I’ve wondered exactly what I could do to improve things in my community, and this experience has helped me discover real  needs community-wide.

It’s also helped me to discover the heart of this community. It has been my belief that most of the people in my small town are open and friendly and warm, and this experience has shown me that they are even more open and friendlier than I had ever imagined.

When this campaign is over, win or lose, I have received life lessons that have made the hard work worthwhile. It has been amazing.

As you go about your day, consider all of the people that you meet along your way. Take the time to say a prayer for them or to send them positive thoughts and energy. If you are open to the experience, smile as you pass…say hello…engage them in conversation.

There are opportunities for life lessons in each serendipitous connection.  If you pay attention and remain open, you will be amazed at what you can learn from each person you meet.

What are you waiting for?

What do you expect to happen that will suddenly propel you to where you want to be?

Are you waiting for the stars to align? Are you waiting for magic beans to sprout? Are you waiting for some final piece of the cosmic puzzle to fall in to place?

Transformation is real. Positive change is real. You are the transformation. You are the only source of positive change in your life. And it’s not going to happen by accident. You will not just stumble into the life you want. You must take it.

What do you want to do? Whatever it is, there are other people who are doing it right now. And they are no smarter than you. They are no more deserving than you. They are simply doing something besides talking and wishing.

Are you afraid that you might try and fail?

You can come up with a million reasons why you shouldn’t or you can’t. But why not come up with one good reason to do what you want to do. Why not see the possibilities instead of the problems. Change your perspective and change your world.

The people you see who are doing the things you wish to do are no different than you are. They aren’t any smarter. They aren’t more capable.  They are just willing to do something. They are willing to step out.

What has your current set of beliefs accomplished for you up to this point in your life? If life is working for you, keep doing that. If life is not working for you, it’s time to change.

There’s no mystery. There’s no secret. And, at this point, I’m not trying to sell you a thing.

Once I finish collating my information that has come out of my 28 day transformation, I’ll have a new package to sell, and it will be worthwhile, I assure you.  But that’s coming later. This is simply my word to you this evening.

Make tomorrow different.

Quit wasting your time doing all sorts of junk that has nothing to do with you leading the kind of life that you choose.

Your time is precious. Each moment is like gold…once you spend it, it’s gone. So please make it count.

Don’t allow yourself any more excuses. Design the life you want to live and live it.

Start right now.

Change.

We seem to be geared to resist it. We seem to be inclined to walk in place so long that our track becomes a rut. And our rut becomes a trap.

We claim to want to be calmer and more at peace, but we fall into those same old frustrations. We claim to want to do the things that we wish to do, but we don’t do them. We claim to want a direction change, and then we continue walking in the same old, tired direction.

And then often, after encountering frustration upon frustration, we give up. We throw in the towel. We quit. And to soothe ourselves, we make excuses. And, for those of us who have reached a certain age, the classic excuse is: “I guess it’s just too late for me. I’m too set in my ways. I cannot change.”

I just reread what I’ve written to this point, and, if I was inclined to get depressed, I would be. Has it been painful to read? It was painful to write, I can assure you.

It’s easy to get caught in a downward spiral. It’s easy to believe that the chance for change has passed you by. It’s easy to read guru after guru whose lives have been transformed and to wonder why you can’t transform your own life.

But if my 28 day transformation experiment has taught me anything, it’s that transformation is simple. To be honest, it’s not easy, as we define easy. It takes effort because you have to think, and thinking is the hardest work you’ll ever do. But it is simple.

Let me repeat that: ‘changing your life is simple.’

Today, while going through some papers, I found something I had written during my 28 day experiment. And it synchronistically complements the key to simple change. Here’s the quote:

“If you fear that you have wasted your life up until this point, then stop wasting it right now.”

Do you ever have the feeling that your life has been wasted? Do you ever feel that you have squandered your potential? Do you feel that your opportunity to make your mark on life has passed you by? Then NOW is the time to do things differently. Not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW.

Nothing is done ‘tomorrow.’ The only time to do anything is now. Action takes place now, and there’s never any type of change without action. So, if you feel that you have not done what you are capable of doing, begin doing it NOW!

During my 28 day transformation experiment (and beyond), I have been reading and studying voraciously. (I’ll share more about that in a subsequent post.) Last night I was reviewing some information from Wayne Dyer’s book, ‘The Power of Intention.” Here’s a quote that reveals the key to positive change.

“Act as if your desire is already here…treat yourself as if you already are what you’d like to become.”

Did you get that? Think about it this way, what kind of person do you need to be to accomplish what you’d like to accomplish? Do you need to be a person who is not addicted to TV, anger, and procrastination? Then give those things up. Do you need to be someone who is mindful, thoughtful, and meditative? Then take on those qualities immediately.

In a previous post, I have mentioned a good and wise friend of mine named Mr. 20/20. This is a man who is so dedicated to the importance of getting a ‘vision’ in his own life and helping others get their ‘vision,’ he legally changed his name to Mr. 20/20. He is also one of the most brilliant, loving, and open people I’ve ever met, and, one night on a conference call,  he spoke one phrase that totally captures the art of positive change.

During our conversation, I mentioned something I was trying to accomplish, and he offered the following insight:

“Buz, be your emerging self.”

That one phrase has helped me in countless situations, and that simple philosophy is key to my transformation and to your transformation. Whenever you are faced with a challenge or a decision of any kind, be your emerging self. Decide what the ‘dream you’ would do and do that. Don’t act like the person you’d like to change; act like the person you want to be.

Do you want to be a more positive person? Then act like a more positive person.

Do you want to be a more loving person? Then act like a more loving person.

Do you want to be wiser, happier, and calmer? Then act like a wiser, happier, and calmer person.

That’s how you become who you want to be.

And it’s never too late to change. It’s never too late to make decisions that will take you where you want to go. It’s never too late to make the choices that will transfrom you into the person you long to be. But you must start now. This very minute. Immediately begin making decisions like the person you want to be.

Are you resisting the possibility that you can change? Then this is your first practice. Decide if the ‘emerging you’ would resist or accept positive change, and then be that emerging you. I think the ‘you’ that you want to be would welcome and embrace positive change.

It really is that simple, and it’s never too late to begin.

The old year is gone. The New Year is now upon us.

What plans did you make at the beginning of 2008 that didn’t work out for you? What would you like to do in 2009?

We all make plans. We all have wishes, dreams, and desires, and the New Year tends to bring these wishes, dreams, and desires to the forefront of our thinking. Now is the time to do everything you can to pave the way for a better year. Now is the time to discover what has been stopping you from reaching those heights you know you should reach.

So, what’s stopping you?

I believe that the only thing that can keep you from achieving your dreams is………..

You.

That’s right. You are the culprit. You are the reason that you are not where you want to be. And I’m not saying this as a way of blaming or chastising. I’m preaching the exact same sermon to myself as I preach it to you.

I am the only person that can stop me from reaching my goals, from realizing the fulfillment of my desires. It’s me.

We may couch it in other terms. We may want to say that it’s because of our crappy jobs or the stock market or the government or a spouse or our negative upbringing or a million other superficial things that are easy to point to and blame.  But, none of that matters.

Once you cut away all the layers of excuse, we are at the core of our imagined reasons.

Now I understand that you may not be able to do everything you’d like to do immediately to change your life. But, you can do something everyday. You can decide where you’d like to be and begin taking steps in that direction.

I’ve been working on creating a system for transforming a life in 28 days, and I’ve pulled 10 specific directives for transformation out of that research and experimentation. One of these directives fits well with what I’m writing today. And that is…

Act now.

Now is the only time we have. It’s where all worthwhile action takes place. We can dream about the future and learn from the past, but the only time to act is now.

So, chart your course and act now. You don’t have to take giant steps. Just do those things everyday that take you in your desired direction.

Begin by taking ownership of your life. Accept the fact that you are the only person who ultimately gets in your way. Even if it seems that, for example, “I can’t enjoy a moment of quiet contemplation daily because my family won’t understand,” it’s not your family or anyone else that’s stopping you. It’s your concerns about how your family or boss or friends will react that’s stopping you, and that decision is your own.

There’s a Donovan song that’s a favorite of mine called “New Year’s Resovolution.” I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. Allow me to share some of the lyrics with you.

“So many times, I was the one who stopped myself from doing things.
So many times, I was the one who grounded myself and clipped my wings.”

Don’t ground yourself. Don’t clip your wings. In this ‘mystery’ of why we aren’t where we want to be, we are the culprit. We are the thief of our dreams.

It’s time to get out of your own way and soar.

This is day 28 of my 28 Day Transformation Experiment, and I offer you this initial thought:

‘Encompassing all progress and transformation is the practice of constant, never-ending education.’

Don’t become satisfied with what you think you know. If what you currently know is enough, then you would already be where you want to be. You would have already accomplished everything you wish to accomplish. Reach further by exploring more. Be willing to question your current beliefs.

Don’t be afraid of ideas. Good ideas will appeal to you and stick with you. Bad ideas will fall by the wayside. Knowledge is never something to fear.

I have much to share with you about the past 28 days. The full report will take more reflection and thought on my part, and I plan to offer insights as they are ready to share. But, initially, I want you to understand that over-arching all progress and all successful transformation is the practice of constant, never-ending education.

Expect another update within the next few days.