You Are What You Choose

I have a personal story from my past that I want to share with you about my mid-life crisis, but I need to teach this important lesson first.

Are you happy? Are you successful? Are you moving toward the kind of life you want to live?

Where you are right now is ultimately the result of your choices.

We are often tempted to claim that life treats us poorly…throws us curves…complicates or hurts us in some way. But that’s not real; it’s fantasy. It’s the script we have in our heads. It’s the way we cope with failure and challenges.

But it’s not real.

Life seldom does anything to anyone. Instead, life presents us with choices – constant choices. And how we choose determines the quality of our experience.

If we are faced with a great challenge such as illness or calamity, how we choose to feel about it and what we choose to do about it dramatically determines our quality of life.

Choosing is everything.

We are constantly faced with choices that are so subtle and automatic, they don’t seem like choices at all. When this occurs, we call our choice a ‘reaction.’ But we never simply ‘react.’ We always get to choose.

Say that over and over until you accept it as truth: “We always get to choose…we always get to choose…we always get to choose.”

There are, of course, choices that we recognize and understand. I choose waffles for breakfast. I choose to turn left at an intersection. I choose to read a book instead of watch TV.

But there are less obvious choices that have a constant impact on life. I choose to get angry. I choose to feel hurt by someone. I choose to succumb to frustration.

These less obvious, subtle choices determine our quality of life, our level of success, and the depth and breadth of our relationships.

Consider this example: your spouse or close associate treats you poorly and your immediate inclination is to be angry, bitter, and hurt.

But do you have to feel like that? Is that your only choice? Is that the quality choice of the real you?

You may claim that their actions caused you reaction. But there is always a moment, even if it is fast and fleeting, when you make the decision to be reactive or proactive. When you are reactive, you defend your poor choice by saying, “Well, he made me so angry!”  When you are proactive, you know in your heart that you choose a calm, loving response because it is the best thing for the genuine you.

You have to decide that your life is worth the effort to live by concepts and not situations. You must determine the kind of person you want to be and be that person.

Who is the genuine you? You must make your choices with that ‘genuine you’ in mind.

Do you want to be more loving? Then make decisions that are congruent with love, and you will be.

Do you want to positively persevere through every challenge? Then make decisions that are congruent with your personal principle of never quitting, of always pushing through no matter what, and you will persevere in every situation.

Do you want to be healthy and fit? Then choose principles of proper rest, nutrition, and activity, and make choices that jive with those principles.

Simply put, you determine who you want to be, and then you live like that person.

Do you want to be loving?
Then choose to be loving.

Do you want to be peaceful?
Then choose to be peaceful.

Do you want to be happy?
Then choose to be happy.

Make your decisions based on your personal life principles of love, peace, and happiness.

Don’t misunderstand. Making the right choice is not always easy. It is simple, but it’s not easy. If it was easy, we would all make the right choices all of the time. And I confess that I have not always made the right choices.

I have been between the  mountain and the abyss, and I have chosen the abyss. I’m not proud to admit this, but I have chosen anger and hurt and depression. I have felt the allure of negativity, and I have succumbed. If I could not identify with that type of pain, I would not be able to honestly tell you how to find the better way.

But that is a part of my midlife crisis story that I referenced at the beginning of this post. And I will tell you that story in my next post. My life has not been perfect, and you need to know  that.

This lesson about choosing will make even more sense when you read the next post.

Until then, make choices that are congruent with who you really are.