Who are you holding captive in your heart today?
There’s someone – someone who you just can’t bring yourself to forgive. And I’m sure you have a reason, something that makes perfect sense to you – or, at least, something that made sense to you at one time.
Because most grudges start out with hurt and then become habit. And if you’ll just look past the habit, you’ll be able to see that holding grudges and harboring hurt don’t do us one bit of good.
I devote a chapter to “Releasing Relationships” in ‘The Power of Release,” one of the ebooks in ‘Mastering Your Power of Release.’ It’s a “release” that, once mastered, can vault you forward in your well-being and in your ability to pursue excellence and abundance, because you carry these captive people around like un-needed baggage; and that added emotional weight is holding you back.
Once you learn to “let go” of these people held captive in your heart, you’ll realize that, when you release them, you free yourself.
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I have heard that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the person you have the grudge against to die! The anger and pain only hurts the one feeling that anger or pain. The person you are angry with may be blissfully unaware of what is going on inside of you. So, yes, releasing the past and living only in the present is important.
For me, living in gratitude is the antidote to those negative feelings. It is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time! So I find something to be grateful about and I can shift that yucky place where I am in the moment.
Thanks for the work that you do. The planet is a better place for it.
Pam
Pam,
Thanks so much for your kind words. And thanks for suggesting gratitude as an antidote to negativity. It is very powerful.
Thanks once again for your lovely and insightful comment!
Buz
I have two issues I have been hanging on to, both related to debt owed to me. One was a company that swindled me into them owing me $4000, of which they never paid $2000 and the other was a person who stayed in our guest room for a few months and said he would pay rent but never did, totally interrupting me & hubbys lives, and even used my car without refilling gas and such.
These are both a few years old and I have been financially struggling so every time I’m short on money, I drudge up that it would be great to get this money back now. It is an interesting reflection that I still have money issues and maybe if I were able to really let go of these, I would attract more money to me and not have to worry about it anymore. But it so still peeves me off! I’m also mad at myself for allowing myself to be taken advantage of.
So any hints you have on how to actually release these once and for all would be greatly appreciated!
funDiva Christy
Christy, it’s great to hear from you, again! Thanks for the comment. Here’s my advice.
First, forgive yourself. It’s not your fault that you were “taken advantage of.” We can’t get along in this world without trust. Some people will be worthy of that trust and others won’t. But a lack of honor in others is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, so give yourself a break.
Then, you must release your anger and resentment. Pam makes a great analogy above when she says that holding a grudge is like you drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person. It never works. Holding that level of bitterness hurts you and you alone, and those other people probably never even consider that they wronged you. It’s not even a blip on their radar screen.
It might help for you to relax and really think this one through. Is your anger helping you one bit? Is it creating joy and abundance for you? Has it brought your money back to you?
It hasn’t and it won’t. And you make a great point about trust. The fact that you are still ruminating over these bad debts, as if collecting them would solve all of your problems, simply sends a message that you are not trusting God to provide. The universe is a friendly place, once you get into the flow. Gratitude and trust are essential to your well-being. You’ll never know abundance without them.
One last thing. Ask yourself this question: “if I really wanted to release this grudge, could I do it?” That answer is an absolute “yes!” You are the only person who is in charge of what you think and how you feel. The reason you are still mad and hurt is because you want to be mad and hurt. You feel that you have been wronged and it is your right to be angry about it. And, while it might be your right, it is damaging to you.
You have the power to release this hurt and set yourself free.
One of the saddest things I see in my senior years is friends who refuse to let go of old grudges. The anger and bitterness literally changes their personalities. A very wise lady once told me that if we do not make peace with all this “stuff” along the way, then we become angry crabby old folks in the nursing home. I think she was right. If we don’t make peace with it, we live with it!!! — and so do the ones that we love!!!
“Forgiveness~The Divine Connection” is my wife’s book exactly about this topic–personal tribulations and success through forgiveness.
http://cindygoldenberg.com/ForgivenessTheDivineConnection.html
Great thoughts, Joan! Very wise, indeed.
And to David, thanks for visiting my blog.
Hi Buz,
OK, it’ time for me to fess up… I read this blog post on Wednesday, and it hit home so much and so hard that I didn’t really want to deal with it. But I knew it was time to circle back around to it and begin to own it. And that day was today. I know where the grudges are… parents. And this is such an OLD dang tape that I keep playin’ that it’s getting really worn out! For me, it’s about releasing them. Now, they are both passed on. So the deeper truth, Buz, is that this is really about me releasing me. For me to continue to hold a grudge toward someone who is longer even around is an enormous waste of energy! And now, here’s the deepest truth… If I were to release myself, that would mean I would start living fully, and flying high, every day! So… Am I ready to shed the excuses, or do I still “need” them in order to continue to stay in the safe ol’ cushy and comfy box?
Blessings, Buz, this was an awesome post. I can tell because I squirmed and struggled with it and didn’t want to write this comment!
Todd
Todd,
You are a blessing to me and to the world.
Thank you for such a heartfelt comment.
Buz